Stab Myself

Lent is all about self impalement. We're supposed to mourn and contemplate mortality. We're supposed to ponder our sinfulness. blah blah blah

Fasting alone isn't miserable enough for me, so I have decided to step it up this year and tackle John Calvin's Institutes of the Christian Religion. 

I may die.

First, a little bit about John Calvin. He was, apparently, a real peach of a guy. According to one critic, he was called the "Greek of Claix." His patron was from the city of Claix and he got the 'Greek' moniker for his tendency to wander around and drop bits of Greek into every conversation.

Douchebag.

Anyway, the Greek of Claix was, apparently pretty smart and ended up moving to modern day Switzerland, where he attempted to take the Reformation away from "vulgar plebs." He did this by creating a beautiful utopia of a separated municipality that would be ruled by doctrine and serve an example to the world. In other words, he was a repressive, theocratic dictator.

I bet he was cool to hang out with:

Frail, thin, short, and lightly bearded, with ruthless, penetrating eyes, he was humorless and short-tempered. The slightest criticism enraged him. Those who questioned his theology he called “pigs,” “asses,” “riffraff,” “dogs,” “idiots,” and “stinking beasts.” One morning he found a poster on his pulpit accusing him of “Gross Hypocrisy.” A suspect was arrested. No evidence was produced, but he was tortured day and night for a month till he confessed. Screaming with pain, he was lashed to a wooden stake. Penultimately, his feet were nailed to the wood; ultimately he was decapitated. (Source)

Well, maybe not so cool.

Another way that Calvin took the Reformation back from the "vulgar plebs" was by theologizing. When he wasn't torturing heretics (critics), the Greek of Claix somehow found time to write a little book called the Institutes of the Christian Religion. Institutes is a careful, systematic description of Reformed theology. Calvin was very particular about theology. Just as Servetus.

Institutes has become the Talmud of Reformed Christians. I mean, people get misty-eyed when they talk about Institutes. So, I am going to see how misty-eyed I get. At the very least I plan on getting a lot of sleep this Lenten season.